Drugs: Sammy Hagar Weekend

Sammy Hagar, cruisin' and definitely boozin'

Thelonious Monster - Sammy Hagar Weekend [purchase]

"Sammy Hagar Weekend" is autobiography, disguised as satire, and wrapped in parody. Bob Forrest wrote it partly about his experience at a September 1978 über-concert in Anaheim, California ("Summer Fest"), featuring Boston, Black Sabbath, Van Halen, and Sammy Hagar. However, the song also functions as a satire of the Heavy Metal Parking Lot culture. The parody comes at the end of the song, when the Monster transforms into a full-on heavy metal band, with pro gear, pro attitude, sweet licks, and slaytanic backward masking. Enjoy ... but kids, know when to say when.

Well, it's a Sammy Hagar weekend,
It's a Sammy Hagar state of mind,
It's a Sammy Hagar weekend,
It's a Sammy Hagar way of life.

We're gonna drink some beer,
Smoke some pot,
Snort some coke,
And then drive ... drive over 55, yeah.

'Cause it's a Sammy Hagar weekend,
It's a big man's day.

We got a Metallica T-shirt,
Got a little tiny baby mustache,
Got a jacked-up Camaro,
We're sittin' in the parking lot at Anaheim Stadium.

Drinkin' beer,
Smokin' pot,
Snortin' coke,
And then we drive ... drive over 55.

Cuz it's a Sammy Hagar weekend,
Well, it's a big man's day.

[metalriffic solo to finish]

[repeat chorus]

[descent into chaos > back-masking]

[Hagarification complete]

Baby Mine: My Boy

Thelonious Monster - My Boy [purchase]

"One day you and me, boy, we're gonna have it out, yeah,
And I know you'll probably hate me,
But that's life, boy."

We return to the Book of Bob for this week's contribution. Bob Forrest was/is the frontman for Thelonious Monster and he remains the patron saint of The Adios Lounge. "My Boy" is a U-turn in the band's catalog, a mournful piano ballad out of step from their shambolic rock 'n' roll wheelhouse. Bob wrote the song for his then-toddler son, Elijah, and is atypical for most baby songs in that it's written as a letter of apology. He knows that the kid was born into a broken, unstable family, soon to be wrecked by divorce, and that the toll on the boy will be immeasurable. He also knows that the boy will someday grow into a young man, at which time father and son will have it out. He knows this because, more than likely he went through it himself:

"Mom and dad, we're trying it for the first time and we're stable,
Pose for my boy,
Ain't it funny how history repeats itself,
She said that she never knew love could be so painful."

In just a few lines, Forrest subtly describes the legacy of familial dishonesty and dysfunction. Parents lie to their children because parents have always lied to their children. Sure, it doesn't capture a Capra-esque family moment, but it is undeniably and powerfully real. However, in being so honest, I think Bob was granting his son one of the greatest gifts a kid can get from his parents ... the truth.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Elijah turned out just fine, didn't become a drug-addicted fool, and in fact, plays music like (and occasionally with) his old man. The picture above shows father and son before a gig, Bob in the center (hands clasped as if in prayer) and his boy to his left, our right. Elijah plays in a duo called Terrors, whose self-styled shoegazing blues is not unlike Will Oldham in one of his many grizzled guises. Check it out, yo.

The Music Biz: Walk On Water

Thelonious Monster: Walk On Water [purchase]

Bob Forrest (pictured far right), lead singer and principal songwriter for Thelonious Monster ... and one of the patron saints of The Adios Lounge ... wrote this one over 20 years ago and I'd say it's as relevant now as it was then. Songs about the evil machinations of the music industry are legion, but rarely are the artists themselves held accountable. This is why Bob was one of the best songwriters (and most engaging frontmen) at Thelonious Monster's artistic peak, roughly 1986-93.

"Walk On Water" ... produced by Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers ... isn't just a song about a guy being wooed by the music biz. This is a song about a guy WANTING to be wooed by the music biz. He wants to believe he's as good as the suits, the groupies, and the music press say he is, that he's the next John Doe or Paul Westerberg. The irony is that at Thelonious Monster's best, they were every bit as good as X and The Replacements. Unfortunately, between the band's drug dependency, a constantly rotating cast of members, and Bob's legendary career sabotage, the Monster ended up as a footnote in rock history. Too bad, but then again, that's why blogs were invented, right?

Well, they keep telling me
Yeah, they keep telling me
That I could walk on the water
That I could walk on the water.

Buy me one drink after another
They buy me one drink after another
Tell me I could walk on water
On water, on water
Walk on the water, baby
Well, I could walk on water.

Well, they keep telling me
And I'm starting to believe
That I could walk on water
Well, I could walk on water.

Ahhh, what an asshole
What an asshole
What an asshole I must be think I could walk on water
Think I could walk on water
Take a walk ...

Walk on the water
Well, I can walk on the water
Me and John Doe and Paul Westerberg
Walking on the water
Walking on the water
On the water, on the water, baby
I can walk on water
Well, I can walk on water
Yeah, I can walk on water.