Cry Cry Cry: I Know What Kind of Love This Is
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I had originally been saving this song until the end of the week. But the diversity of posts so far - and the way in which each of us has come to the table using this week's theme to wrestle so well with a difficult issue - makes me feel the time is ripe sooner rather than later.
So here is folk supergroup Cry Cry Cry with a potent, poignant interpretation of a song originally by The Nields. The lyrics are so focused on the inner life of the young female narrator, they never name the ages of the people involved - it's never been clear to me if the experienced male perpetrator here is older, or even a teacher, or just a cool kid disdainfully deflowering a younger student because she feels like it will put an end to "a lifetime of wallflower shade" - but the song certainly speaks to the self-loathing which follows those who allow sex to happen to them too early because they think it's what they're supposed to do. In my mind, this is the swan song of the "jailbait" - originally willing, because sex seems to offer power; ultimately full of regret, with the important lesson learned too late.
I hope someday my daughters will hear this song, and recognize it for what it is, and learn from it that self-worth is never about what other people say is right. I hope they will learn to only say yes when it is in their hearts, and not in their supposed-to social minds. I hope they never, ever feel like the narrator of this song. And if it were not for this song, AND for the ability to point at songs which seem to celebrate jailbait lust, and say "is this really what you want?", I might not be able to say so as well.
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More generally, I want to take personal responsibility for picking this week's theme, and apologize for offending anyone in doing so. My intent was not to celebrate, but to provoke exactly the kind of unique and varied perspectives and voices which Anne points to so effectively in her recent post. I'm glad to see this has been the case - that no one seems to have come salivating, and that everyone, in their own way, has use the opportunity to expose the various cultural evils of the complex of juvenile fetishism that is so prevalent in our society. But this is no excuse for potentially alienating anyone, or creating discomfort, and I commit to working to try not to do that again.
That said: I accept that some people feel that the act of perpetuating the songs themselves celebrates an aspect of our culture - the media images which fetishize preteen sexuality, and the myriad of other princess and barbie and sexpot images which encourage us all to make unhealthy choices which hurt ourselves and others - which would be better destroyed, and as soon as possible at that. But as a teacher and parent, I happen to feel otherwise. I believe that pointing TO such things and speaking of them in critical ways is better and more effective in reaching the heart and mind of a culture than merely preaching. I believe that confronting such cultural problems, especially those perpetuated through the media, is difficult, but necessary, for pretending that such things don't exist is a way to let them fester.
And I think that our responses this week have only reinforced my belief that it is, in the end, our recognition that such songs are there which makes it possible at all for us to take up the mantle of saying "no" to such things. Without the exemplar, our lessons are that much more hollow. It is, as we've seen this week, the words we share here, not just the songs we choose or the themes we take on, which truly allow this space to be a sounding board, a space for discomfort to be shared as much as song, even a force for good.
But regardless of what you believe, readers and fellow contributors alike, I am proud of all of us - to Susan for coming forward with an anti-jailbait song perfectly on theme, and for bringing the conversation around to change; to Muruch for giving us a chance to out ourselves through confronting the songs and songwriters we love for perpetuating a malicious mindset; to everyone else for refusing to celebrate the sentiment even from our very first post, regardless of how we have each chosen to frame our own individual approaches. Being a part of this community has never felt so much like world-changing as it does this week. And though changing the world one discussion at a time can be a difficult path for all of us, it feels damn good, at that.
